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The Jump 225 Jumbo Mega-Bonanza Summer Giveaway (Finale) [Jul. 29th, 2008|09:24 am]
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In the last contest of my mega-summer giveaway, I asked the all-important question that eight-year-olds have been wondering since the world was young: who would win a deathmatch smackdown, Obi-Wan Kenobi or Gandalf?

The number of entries was pretty pathetic, which makes me feel rather pathetic. I’ve been neglecting this blog terribly over the past few months, and Google Analytics reflects it.

Gandalf with a Light SaberBut that doesn’t make me any less enthusiastic about awarding the final prize to loyal reader Josh Vogt. Josh writes:

I’m assuming we’re talking about the “old” Obi-wan, since it’d be great to see two hoary-haired mentor figures going head to head. Now, after they both got all frowny and had a bushy-browed staring contest, Gandalf would win the ultimate showdown (bridge locale optional). Why? Because Obi-wan has a suicidal death wish. Just stick any young Jedi-wannabe within ten feet of the old guy, and the moment anyone takes a swing at his head, whether with a staff or light saber, the dude’s going to get a mystical smile on his face, cue a little emotional background music, and let himself get decapitated into a pile of dirty laundry. Because he’s just that enigmatic. He wouldn’t dare sacrifice all that mystique for the sake of winning any kind of fight. Gandalf is much more pragmatic and at least provides substantial opposition, making sure his enemy is down for the count (preferably cast down upon the mountainside) before even letting himself take a breather.

Congratulations, Josh, you’ve won the David Louis Edelman prize pack, which includes:

  • One signed copy of the Solaris mass market of Infoquake
  • One signed copy of the Pyr trade paperback of MultiReal
  • One signed copy of The Solaris Book of New Science Fiction, Volume Two (containing my story “Mathralon”)
  • One signed copy of the new Overlook Press edition of Mervyn Peake’s Titus Alone (containing my introduction)

The only other entry of note came from Derek Johnson, who writes:

This is easy: Gandalf wins hands down.  He defeated the Balrog, and traversed the belly of Middle Earth in the process.  All Obi-Wan ever did was turn into a ghost.  Obi-Wan couldn’t even stop the chosen one from turning to the dark side of the Force.

The “how” is even easier.  Because magic in Tolkien is something of a technology, he could sap Obi-Wan of his midichlorians, which are the key elements in accessing the Force.

The topic also came up in the comments for the last contest of what would happen if you added Morpheus, Albus Dumbledore, and Duncan Idaho to the mix. Personally, I think Morpheus would kick all of their asses — because you know that the powers of all the others are simply delusions forcefed down their neural cortexes by the Matrix.

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The Jump 225 Jumbo Mega-Bonanza Summer Giveaway, Week 4 [Jul. 21st, 2008|10:05 am]
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This is the final week of my big summer giveaway contest. So if you’re looking to win the David Louis Edelman ouevre, it’s your laaaaaaast chance.

John McCain and Superman

Last week, I challenged you to create the dream presidential ticket with one of the current candidates as president and a comic book superhero as veep. I’ve awarded the prize to Yaron Davidson, who feels that a McCain/Kal-el ticket would be a success. (And no, I’m not rewarding Yaron just because he complained about the unfairness of the Americocentric topic last week. He really did have the best entry.)

McCain should pick Superman as his running mate because:
A. America is looking for strong leadership, and who is stronger than the Man of Steel?
B. Shows that he doesn’t have a problem with illegal aliens, as long as they’re polite, useful, don’t want to be paid for their assistance, and look white.
C. The soldiers in Iraq could use the help with the next surge.
D. With his x-ray vision, Superman could help find oil wells on U.S. soil, and then could immediately drill in to test them.

He also had some good reasons why Superman should campaign with Barack Obama. Which apparently makes the Man of Steel some kind of Joseph Lieberman figure.

Obama should pick Superman as his running mate because:
A. He could finally stick to a position against illegal wiretaps. Superman could listen to all the suspicious conversations by himself, and no good liberal would object to letting anyone use his innate ability freely.
B. Shows that Obama really values diversity, and doesn’t just play the race card for political reasons.
C. By flying people and equipment around, Superman could help to drastically cut the oil consumption of the public sector.
D. Superman can blow a lot of cold air, and help delay global warming.

First runner-up in the contest is clearly Sophia Ahmed, who believes that Obama should be doing his terrorist fist bump with Joseph Dredd.

“Vote Dredd/Obama: The Innocent Have Nothing To Fear”. New! For the first time, compliment your democracy with a totalitarian dictatorship. Next time some creep is violating your rights, know that Hope carries a Lawgiver. Judge Dredd is completely unbribable. His knowledge of the Law is complete and exact. Citizens and perps alike will always get justice. Instant results! No lawyer fees! PLUS — Dredd draws potential assassin fire away from the President, because making a successful hit on Dredd would be the crime coup of the millennium, in any reality! Vote Dredd/Obama, and know your country will always be prepared! Extra-dimensional threats a speciality.

Woman WomanThis entry came in from Cindy Blank-Edelman. (No relation.) (Except, you know, she’s my sister.)

Clearly, Barack Obama should choose Wonder Woman as his running mate. Not only will this placate the many Hillary Clinton supporters who are threatening to vote for McCain, but it will give him a cool invisible plane to fly around in to make campaign appearances. Also, she has a great patriotic costume.

But Cindy wasn’t the only one who picked up on the Obama/Amazonia meme. Mick Summer believes that Wonder Woman’s lasso would be a great asset (though exactly how it’s going to help with Fox News, I’m not clear).

Barack Obama’s ideal 2008 running mate would be Wonder Woman, not necessarily because she would be America’s first female vice president; nor because it would set a precedent for gender equality in American society; nor because she would make a positive female role model for the whole world as well as America; but primarily because her Magic Lasso, which can make anyone tell the truth, would prove extremely useful in the White House, the Supreme Court, and on CNN and Fox News, in cutting through all the political red tape once-and-for-all, and providing all the truth that American citizens are entitled to. The lasso would also make an excellent (and humane) interrogation tool for use on any commander, official, employer, or other suspect, American as well as otherwise.

Not everybody stayed within the same confines of the mainstream. Stephen Stull writes:

(First Comics’) Badger should join McCain’s ticket. They’d almost surely lose, but Badger would get a nice public opinion boost, since he’d finally get to stand next to someone who made him look sane by comparison.

So endeth week 3.

*

For week 4’s contest — the final contest — I’m going to go back to two sources which (hopefully) should be familiar to everyone reading this blog: Star Wars and The Lord of the Rings. And I’m going to ask you the eternal question that has been boggling my mind since fifth grade:

Who would win a deathmatch smackdown fight: Gandalf or Obi-Wan Kenobi, and why? (Or better yet, how?)

Keep in mind that both white-haired old mentors have a way with a sword/saber. Gandalf’s got the Valar on his side, but Obi-Wan Kenobi’s got the Force on his side. And both of them seem to have a facility for coming back from the dead. So tell me who’s gonna win, and why.

Same contest rules apply as before. Email your response to dedelman@gmail.com with the subject line “Summer Giveaway Contest 4″. Entries are due Sunday, July 27 at 11:59 pm Eastern Time. Contest is open to anyone around the world. Submit as many entries as you like. Winning entry gets:

  • One signed copy of the Solaris mass market of Infoquake
  • One signed copy of the Pyr trade paperback of MultiReal
  • One signed copy of The Solaris Book of New Science Fiction, Volume Two (containing my story “Mathralon”)
  • One signed copy of the new Overlook Press edition of Mervyn Peake’s Titus Alone (containing my introduction)
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Revisiting Middle Earth: The Two Towers [May. 20th, 2007|04:29 pm]
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Many people who read The Lord of the Rings falter somewhere in The Two Towers, and that’s perfectly understandable. According to J.R.R. Tolkien’s Foreword to the Second Edition of LOTR, he actually faltered in the writing of it, putting the book down for two years before picking up again in book 4. (”Foresight had failed and I had no time for thought,” says J.R.R.)

'The Two Towers' book coverIt’s a difficult book. Frodo and Sam, the characters we’re most invested in, disappear for a couple hundred pages; Gandalf is presumably dead in the book’s opening chapters; Boromir’s definitely dead; and Aragorn is still something of a distant figure. Gimli is interesting enough but hardly crucial to the plot, and it’s difficult to give two figs about Legolas.

Then we have the problem of the Rohirrim. As far as I’m concerned, Tolkien doesn’t do a very good job getting the audience to buy in to the kingdom of Rohan. I was shocked to discover that Éowyn is given less than a page in Two Towers, barely enough time for her to show up and cast eyes lovingly at Aragorn. Erkenbrand, Háma, and Gamling are just tertiary characters, nobody we particularly care about. The only person who really grabs your attention in these opening chapters about the Riddermark is Éomer. Before we’ve formed any emotional attachment to Rohan, Théoden’s off to Helm’s Deep.

As for Théoden? Théoden becomes more likable as the book goes on, and he really comes into his own when he rejects Saruman’s offer of peace at Orthanc. But when we first see him, the king of Rohan is just a cranky old man under the sway of bad counsel. Then Gandalf shows up, speaks a few strong words, casts Wormtongue down on his belly — and Théoden has a baffling change of heart. In my LOTR omnibus edition, we first meet Théoden on page 501; Gandalf casts Wormtongue down on page 503; on page 507, the king’s already mustering the troops. Too quick.

Now Gandalf is supposed to be a Maiar of old, and it’s said somewhere that his “magic” is to inspire the people of Middle Earth. To restore them to their youth and vigor, to rekindle the divine spark within. So that could certainly explain Théoden’s sudden shift. But then why didn’t Gandalf accomplish the same thing the last time he saw the king? Okay, there’s a convenient excuse — Gandalf was in a big hurry. But Gandalf’s obviously been in and out of this place many times, and Saruman’s poisoning took years.

So Théoden’s conversion is somewhat puzzling and the Rohirrim are still strangers. Therefore I wasn’t particularly invested in the battle of Helm’s Deep. The battle itself is the first extended battle sequence Tolkien had written since the Battle of Five Armies in The Hobbit, and it’s considerably better done than that. But Peter Jackson’s instincts were correct in trying to build up this battle with every scrap of back story he could find. I struggled hard to care about anyone here but Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli.

But I want to come back to Théoden’s choice to cast aside Gríma Wormtongue and follow the advice of Gandalf, because such choices are what this book is made of. Everyone gets their moment of choice in Two Towers.

Sam and Frodo stand on the brink of Mordor and decide to press on, even if nobody is left alive to know about it. Saruman is given a clear choice by Gandalf to come down from Orthanc and walk the long, hard road towards forgiveness, or to rot in his tower. Treebeard and the ents must decide whether to confront Saruman or to sit back and await “the withering of all woods.” Even Gollum has a moment standing over the sleeping bodies of Sam and Frodo on the stairs of Cirith Ungol where he briefly reconsiders his evil plot to lead the hobbits to Shelob.

So what are our characters choosing between? For Tolkien, the choice is not complex: there’s light, and then there’s darkness.

'The Two Towers' book coverWhite light is the purest representation of the holiness of the Valar –the White Tree of Gondor, the white light of the Silmarils, the white light of Galadriel’s phial, Gandalf’s reincarnation as the White Wizard. Meanwhile, black is the symbolic color of Sauron and evil. Black is darkness, black is the skin color of the “cruel Haradrim,” black is the color of the Nazgûl, the Black Riders. (About the racial aspect of Tolkien’s writing, see my post on The Silmarillion.)

And in Tolkien’s world, the bad guys are always trying to muddy the distinction between black and white, thereby muddying the distinction between the moral decisions the characters must make. Remember how Saruman rejects the designation of white, as Gandalf recounts during the Council of Elrond in Fellowship of the Ring:

‘I looked then and saw that his robes, which had seemed white, were not so, but were woven of all colours, and if he moved they shimmered and changed hue so that the eye was bewildered.

‘ “I liked white better,” I said.

‘ “White!” he sneered. “It serves as a beginning. White cloth may be dyed. The white page can be overwritten; and the white light can be broken.”

‘ “In which case it is no longer white,” said I. “And he that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.”

So The Two Towers is a book where all of the players must figure out what’s the right path and what’s the wrong path and what’s simply the convenient path. For Frodo and Sam, choosing the right path is a very literal thing. They spend most of the book teetering on the brink between Mordor and Gondor, and until the Stairs of Cirith Ungol, the path westward to Gondor is always the closer and easier route. Likewise, Rohan could have accepted Saruman’s offers of alliance; the ents could have sat the war out and left it to the Elves and Men; Frodo could have had Faramir’s men kill Gollum at the Forbidden Pool.

(In light of these tough moral choices that fill The Two Towers, the character of Faramir is quite frustrating, and I can completely understand why Peter Jackson decided to give him a makeover in the films. Faramir manages to completely resist the lure of the Ring where even Galadriel could not. “Not even if I found it on the highway would I take it,” he says, bizarrely.)

(As a result, without any real choice to confront, Faramir’s really not much of a character. His purpose in The Two Towers is really to act as a moral foil for Frodo, giving him the opportunity to do away with Gollum, and get an armed escort back to Minas Tirith, if he wants. Faramir also provides a convenient bit of foreshadowing for the confrontation with Shelob. But beyond that, he’s just another one of Tolkien’s pleasant, wise, faceless heroes that just seem to be wandering around Middle Earth, like Gildor, like Glorfindel, like Haldir.)

'The Two Towers' book coverSo every character is confronted with their moral choice. How to choose among them? For Tolkien, it’s really not a complicated issue. Chase down those moral grays for long enough, and they all eventually resolve into black or white. As Éomer asks Aragorn at one point, “How shall a man judge what to do in such times?” Tolkien’s mouthpiece Aragorn replies:

‘As he ever has judged… Good and ill have not changed since yesteryear; nor are they one thing among Elves and Dwarves and another among Men. It is a man’s part to discern them, as much in the Golden Wood as in his own house.’

Many have criticized Tolkien over the years for this simplistic black-and-white approach. They call his villains one-dimensional, they decry his treatment of the orcs as an evil race beyond any possibility of redemption. Sauron is just a faceless cipher.

But such critics are missing the point, I think. The real villains in The Lord of the Rings aren’t the orcs, or the Nazûl, or even Sauron. The real villains are the temptations within. Despair, greed, pride, anger, fear. Sauron and his minions are just the external manifestation of these things.

And this is part of the genius of Tolkien, and one of the things that makes these books so much more interesting than the simplistic good-vs-evil battle they’re often made out to be. There really are no evil characters in The Lord of the Rings. Sauron? The Witch-King of Angmar? The Balrog? These aren’t characters, per se. We learn very little about their motivations, and they only appear at a remote distance. There’s no reason Sauron wants to conquer Middle Earth; he just does. Sauron is the magnetic pole that pulls our characters towards the Dark Side, while Gandalf (representing the Valar over the sea) is the magnetic pole for the Light.

So the orcs and the trolls and the Nazgûl get short shrift by Tolkien, because they’re not really who he cares about. He cares about all of us down here in the middle, wavering between good and evil, trying to make the difficult choices between them. His “villains” are Boromir, a brave soldier who gives in to temptation; Gollum, a hobbit-like creature who’s in over his head; Wormtongue, a man who’s chosen the most expedient side in a brewing war; and so on. People caught in between the two distant poles of Absolute Good and Absolute Evil, struggling to find a way between them and choose a side.

It’s a very Christian concept. Discern the moral choice; make the right choice, even if it’s the least expedient or most fraught with danger; and have faith that the right will prevail in the end.

*****

An interesting side note:

You may laugh, but I find some very solid gay overtones in the relationship between Sam and Frodo, especially in The Two Towers. Yes, I understand that Tolkien didn’t mean for them to actually be gay, and that the main thing he was exploring here was the master/servant relationship.

Sam and Frodo on Mount DoomBut what to make of Sam attacking Shelob like a “small creature armed with little teeth, alone, will spring upon a tower of horn and hide that stands above its fallen mate”? What to make of Gollum finding Sam and Frodo dozing with their arms around one another and Sam’s head in his lap? What are we to make of Sam, in the midst of preparing rabbit stew for Frodo, studying the lines on his sleeping face and then saying, “I love him. He’s like that, and sometimes it shines through, somehow. But I love him, whether or no”?

There are plenty more examples. So scoff if you want, and tell yourself that J.R.R. Tolkien lived in a more innocent time where these things could be written without having any homosexual overtones. But I’m sure that even in Tolkien’s time there were old English bachelors who lived together and puttered in the garden together and finished one another’s sentences, and even J.R.R. wasn’t completely naïve about what was going on.

I’m convinced the overtones are there. Why exactly Tolkien put them there, I’m not sure. Any ideas?

*****

Another side note:

Peter Jackson got a lot of heat from fanboys who felt that Treebeard’s decision to march to war in the film was completely out of character. After a two-day colloquium with all of the ents, he suddenly reverses himself at the sight of a few burnt trees? But on re-reading The Two Towers, I was shocked to discover that Treebeard’s decision to go to war is just as hasty in the book as it is in the film. In a single conversation with Merry and Pippin, Treebeard goes from “I have not troubled about the Great Wars… they mostly concern Elves and Men” (middle of p. 461) to “I have been idle. I have let things slip. It must stop!… I will stop it! And you shall come with me” (top of p. 463).

While I admit that the films are flawed, more and more I’m coming to the conclusion that Peter Jackson and his co-screenwriters read these books very, very carefully and came to many of the right conclusions.

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